I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i've created a new STD.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
