I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
