She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
