I wish i was in the wii world.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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