You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
