i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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