One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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