Only a mothe r could love this liver
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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