I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
