Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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