i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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