I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
