the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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