I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
