I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
