I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
