i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
