She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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