totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
