This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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