Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
