I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's rum buckets o'clock
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
