watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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