people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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