I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
