East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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