i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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