bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
