Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dick very happy bro
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
