I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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