Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
