My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
