all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
