White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
