the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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