You smell like a Billy Joel song
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
