Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
