So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
