I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
