a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
