Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
