i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
