He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
