youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
