I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
