Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
