i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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