What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
