The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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