why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
