The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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