You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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