i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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