the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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