I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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